Have I mentioned this? In less than a week, I’ll be embarking on a truly epic adventure: taking my 80-year-old mom on a Mediterranean cruise! That’s right—sun, sea, and sandals with my Taiwanese mother, who hasn’t been to Europe in over 50 years and still doesn’t understand why anyone would eat dinner after 7 PM.

Living in Portland, I only get to see my mom a few times a year. So this trip is part reunion, part family bonding, and part belated Mother’s Day make-up mission. (Because what says “I love you” better than international travel and shared cabin space?)

As I prepare for this multi-generational voyage, I’ve been thinking a lot about the cultural differences in how we show love to our parents. In Chinese culture, we have a core value called 孝 (xiào)—filial piety. It’s not just a nice idea; it’s basically the Wi-Fi password to being a good human. You express it by making sure your parents are warm, full, supported, and ideally, overfed. (At every holiday gathering, my family basically engages in competitive caretaking.)

Growing up in Taiwan, I saw my parents care for my grandparents with routine reverence: dishes were washed without a word, jackets handed over before anyone even had a chance to feel cold. That was love. That was 孝.

Now, fast forward to my very first dinner with my American mother-in-law. I cleared the table and started washing dishes before anyone could blink. She looked at me and said, “Venus, you’re making me feel like an old lady!” Another time, I rushed to help her walk with her cane and she chuckled, “You’re sweet! But I’m not made of glass!”

Cue cultural whiplash.

What I saw as love and respect, she saw as… a bit much. But she received it with humor and grace, and I’ve learned to laugh with her. Because here’s the thing: In Chinese culture, we show love through actions—a plate of peeled and cut fruit, a quietly fixed drawer, unsolicited advice about wearing socks indoors. In American culture, love often comes through words, space, or a warm “thank you.”

Both are beautiful. And learning to navigate both—especially as a daughter, an American daughter-in-law, and now a cultural bridge-builder—has been one of the greatest (and funniest) gifts of all.

So here’s to moms. And pre-cut fruits. And love, in all its forms.

(And you should check out our  Mother’s Day event at Lan Su since all the activities are wonderful, and I am going to be there!)

Venus Sun
Vice President of Culture & Community
Lan Su Chinese Garden